AIN'T ENOUGH?

   Do you know the feeling of really wanting to write something yet afraid of self-emotions to burst out? I'm into that feeling, kind of.. so tell me, how can I write better if I'm suppressing my emotions? Urgh.. Shut the crap up! I just don't wanna be bothered by this time. so.. okay, I guess two weeks rin akong hindi nakapagpost dito sa blog ko. Akala mo siguro kung ano nang nagyari sa akin noh? alarming kasi yung last post ko. Uhm, so many great and not-so-great moments happened during the time I was away (in front of my laptop. *LOL*) About my health, I'm gratefully okay. Balanced diet lang dapat. I still have lots of school works to do and I'm somehow planning to start it most likely, this weekends. Btw, ang dami talagang nangyari two weeks ago. Let me enumerate them first, The Bulgar selections of Sir Cabrera, then Final destination 5 cinema trip, The PUP Idol season 8 - My former classmate was the grand winner, Compliment of Sir Henry about me - good scores in Biosci (flattered!), The Annoying SIS - almost wanna kill the admins, Postponed cinema trip part 2 and lastly, Our quarrel! well.. I don't wanna discuss them anymore. They won't make me happy though. As of now, I'm just really upset. Kung pwede ko lang talaga sabihin lahat-lahat ng naiisip ko.. There are just thoughts and words that are better left unsaid I guess. Siguro kung homework itong post ko ngayon dito sa blog, for sure ife-failed ako ng english prof ko. Know why? hindi ko kasi alam ang topic sentence ko eh saka hindi ko rin ma-determine kung ano ang gist ng writing ko. All I know, My life is complicated (oh, lumayo na naman ako. ayy go with the flow nalang po *laughs*) I don't seem to have the "freedom" I used to have when I was still single and not committed. I don't know if we are just in an open relationship, a fling, a mutual understanding or simply just in a friendship. Frankly speaking, everything is irrational.. I don't know if our love is enough to keep us forever. Promises are made but how sure am I that the two of us can stay longer? What is the commitment? the security? the assurance of "only me"? sa sobrang hirap, madalas ko maisip na "magtransfer nalang kaya ako ng school?" not near Sto. Tomas. "How if I fulfill the will of my father to shift in an engineering course?" If I do so, I'm pretty sure hindi sa PUP. Ayaw ko naman ng engineering course, field of medicine talaga ang gusto ko - Dentistry and the like. Oh basta hindi naman sa course ang topic.. so, ayon nga I wanna feel a sense of independence.. I wanna do everything I want. I don't wanna waste my time. Pero kahit ano pang daydream ang gawin ko, I know in myself, I wouldn't be happy. I may be fulfilled but never happy. I know, deep in my heart sa kanya pa rin ako sasaya. No matter how wrong the two of us may be, I will never be happy.. never, kung wala sya. I just don't wanna be contained, I don't wanna be restrained. For instance, my parents, who are constantly reprimanding my decisions and interests. They don't believe in me, I knew it. hmm.. So yung sa aming dalawa, mahirap. Irrevocable lahat ng statement na nasabi ko patungkol sa kanya. I'm upset, really do. Knowing that I offered my life for the two of us. Kaya ngayon, hindi ko na kaya ng wala sya. You know, I've just always wanted to be contented, worry-free and happy. Just like the children frolicking everywhere and lounging around. I wanna take the venture of this dare. Whatever happens, I know Mahal ko siya. And whatever paths we are taking now, its all beyond our control and desire.